Shameless Woman

50-2The Fascinating Truth About Women and Sex Over 50

by Pamela Madsen


When a woman calls me for sexuality coaching she is often around 50 years old. Sure, I help women in their fabulous forties and younger, and while the sexuality wake-up call can happen at any time, for many women, turning 50 triggers their sexuality alarm clock in a big way. And I love it – because this emerging interest in their sex life often results in the best sex they have ever had.

There is a willingness in a woman over 50 to finally let go of the myths that may have haunted her for her entire life. She may be finally ready to let go of long held body image issues, trauma and wounds from past heart aches or failed relationships, and even abuse. She may find she finally has the time and the means to discover herself as a sexual being, and this exploration has now become a priority in her life. She simply cannot tolerate missing out on what is possible for her, and often sets out on an incredible journey of sensual self discovery.

For many women after the age of 50, if there are children, they are mostly independent. Their career and financial security are more certain. Women at 50 are no longer fighting to establish a marriage, a career or a family. They are ready to do something different and their focus has suddenly begun to center on their relationship to their own sexuality.
So how does she get started? First she needs to let go of the idea that women over the age of 50 have a diminishing or lower libido after menopause. That simply does not have to be true. What may be more to the point is the need to let go of their own perceptions of what sexuality is all about.

Sex Tips For Better and Hotter After 50:

1. Let go of the belief that sex is more about their partner’s pleasure. Somehow many women have this notion they are only supposed to get sexual satisfaction from or after the sexual satisfaction of their partner. While she can certainly take pleasure from interacting with her partner, the reality is both she and her partner can manifest greater satisfaction from focusing only on her pleasure! Women need to discover their job in bed is no longer about getting their partner off efficiently and neatly. When they learn to speak their own desires (not an easy thing to learn if they don’t really know what they are!), they are able to invite their partners into their pleasure. Making that shift in perspective can lead to the hottest sex for everyone.

2. Stop worrying that you may be “taking too long” to achieve pleasure. The wonderful thing about sex after 50 is that you have more time and space to simply explore touch. If you feel like you are “taking too long”, put aside that thought in a very conscious way. Learn to take the time you want and need to explore every nuance of your sexuality.

3. Learn to use lubricant – over the age of 50 this can be a very simple solution to the reality of their changing bodies. Lubricant can enhance pleasure and prevent painful intercourse. There are many different kinds on the market, and even coconut oil can be a fabulous friend in the bedroom. Find pleasure it discovering the one that is right for you.

4. Shift your idea of what “Real Sex” is. Learn that real sex is not just about intercourse and orgasm. Some of the hottest erotic experiences imaginable often do not include either one. Shift your emphasis from orgasm to touching, kissing, stroking, and various kinds of sensation play including tickling, nibbling, or blowing air. Be creative and welcome the curiosity that allows new sensation.

5. Learn to “Pre-heat” your own oven! Don’t wait for someone else to turn you on. Learn about your own body and explore the vast garden of your own erogenous tissue in your genitals and in your pelvis. Women have as much erectile tissue in their pelvis as men do in their penis. It’s just that women are not taught about it, and many feel uncomfortable fully exploring their own bodies. Take the time, either alone or with a partner, to discover all that you are.

Sex can be better after 50 than at any other time in your life. It can involve new adventures, brand new experiences, and the fresh freedom of erotic autonomy ready and ripe for exploration.

What To Do After Reading This Blog:

1. Please “Like” it, “Share it” and Leave me a Comment!
2. Want to learn about Pamela’s sexuality retreats for women?

Go Here. “Back to The Body:Sensuous Retreats for Women”.
3. Want to read Pamela books?

“Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner?”


1. All this time you have just been putting Bounce in the dryer! It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them. It also repels mice.

2. Spread sheets around foundation areas, or in trailers, or cars that are sitting and it keeps mice from entering your vehicle.

3. It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that is not opened too often.

4. It repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season.

5. Eliminate static electricity from your television (or computer) screen.

6. Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling.

7. Dissolve soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of Bounce.

8. To freshen the air in your home – Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang in the closet.

9. Put Bounce sheet in vacuum cleaner.

10. Prevent thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a sheet of Bounce before beginning to sew.

11. Prevent musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing.

12. To freshen the air in your car – Place a sheet of Bounce under the front seat.

13. Clean baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in a pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The anti-static agent apparently weakens the bond between the food and the pan.

14. Eliminate odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom of the wastebasket.

15. Collect cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically attract all the loose hairs.

16. Eliminate static electricity from Venetian blinds. Wipe the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.

17. Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sand papering. A used sheet of Bounce will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.

18. Eliminate odors in dirty laundry. Place an individual sheet of Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.

19. Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or sneakers overnight.

20. Golfers put a Bounce sheet in their back pocket to keep the bees away.

21. Put a Bounce sheet in your sleeping bag and tent before folding and storing them. It will keep them smelling fresh. It will keep them smelling fresh.

On Getting Older


Well, it’s happening.  I’m gettin old.  Maybe I shouldn’t say old; I’m getting older.  As I write this article, I’m 63.  And according to some commercials I’ve heard on the radio, 65 is something like the new 40; but I neither look nor feel 40.  I remember 40 and this (excuse the grammar) ain’t it.  If you’re reading this and you happen to be 75, according to my reckoning, 75 should be the new 50.  Good luck with that, I hope it works for you.

OK, you might be wondering, what’s this guy talking about and why?  I’ll tell you.  I come from a somewhat large family by most standards.  Eleven children were born into the Jesse and Gladys Brown clan in Wichita, Kansas. I was fourth in the birth order and to date I’ve lost a younger sister and two older brothers.  And when I was a younger man I hardly gave death a passing thought.  Like most, I just assumed I’d live forever.  Now I see my mortality in the rear view mirror and it’s gaining on me – fast!

So, I think it’s time for me to begin re-thinking this whole thing about getting older and about death and dying.  I don’t intend to be morbid about it.  I’m not trying to scare anyone and I’m certainly not trying to elicit some silly, sympathetic, emotional reaction that’s here today and gone tomorrow.  As I usually do, I just want to educate.  On the one hand, I see some positives (I’ll get to those a little later); yet, on the other, I see some negatives.  I’ll talk about those first.  There are some aspects of aging that are difficult at best. I’m reminded of a sign an aging friend had on the door of her apartment at the senior complex.  It read, “Old age is not for sissies”.

But, this is my reality.  I’m not as strong as I used to be.  I don’t have the energy I used to have.  I can’t do some of the things I used to do.  I don’t even want to do some things I used to do.  Yet, I wish I could do some other things I used to do.  And, there are even other things I can still do, but it takes longer to do them and it’s not nearly as easy as it used to be.  I’m not going to go into detail here, but you get the idea.  If you don’t understand now, you will later, your time will come.  The point is, I’m getting older and there are things that happen (or don’t happen) almost every day to remind me of that fact.  And when I’m reminded of it, my thoughts sometimes go to a place in time yet future, when I leave this world and meet my Maker.  So, the Father lets us experience old age because it eventually serves as a somewhat constant reminder that we’re going to “pass on”.  And, it is at that juncture it is hoped some wisdom has been gained and applied, some preparation has been made.

There are several things that come to mind as I start this.  First, I’d like to say that youth is mostly wasted on the young.  They don’t usually appreciate it, and they hardly ever use it to its full potential.  And second, I can say from personal experience that I’m convinced God in His mercy has a specific purpose in old age.  You may take this for granted or just accept it, because you assume it’s the natural order of things; but it was a brilliant move on His part to make us young and impetuous in the beginning of our lives and then slow us down to give us the opportunity to maybe think about what’s really important at the end.  This may sound ridiculous, but if at age 63 I was getting younger and stronger, more and more bullet proof, even more distracted with life and living, I’m afraid I just wouldn’t have time to think about my relationship with God.

Another is that we can always check our spiritual condition by honestly examining our attitude towards death.  Fear of death causes instability, insecurity and the inability to maintain a healthy relationship with God.  This fear is something the god of this world has always used to cripple people mentally, emotionally and spiritually to effectively keep them from being what the God of the universe intended.  “Since the children are flesh and blood, He too shared in this same physical nature so that by His death He could destroy the one who holds the power of death – that is, the devil. And, so He could completely set free those who had been enslaved all their lives by the debilitating fear of death.” (Hebrews 2:14-15)

Now, I hope I can communicate this principle clearly for you.  I’ve kind of touched on the negatives of getting older, so what are the positives I mentioned above that I would talk about?  Well, the positives are all of the negatives.  You might want to give your eyeballs a good, hard knuckle rub, then read that last sentence again.  That’s right.  I said the positives are all the negatives.  Let me explain.

I’ve talked about this before in several articles, how suffering is a part of the deal.  The Scriptures tell us Jesus was perfected (completed) by the things He suffered.  We must share in His sufferings, if we expect to share in His glory. The Father has determined that difficulties are a necessary part of our pursuit of Him and of His plan for us.  That He uses unpleasant events and circumstances to mold us into the image of His Son.  The narrow road that leads to life is actually a path that takes us to difficult obstacles and stressful dilemmas, hopefully forcing us to learn how to trust God and rely on Him.

Do you get it?  The aging process is nothing more than an accelerated series of opportunities to gain the spiritual maturity the Father desires for each of us.  And let’s be clear; when I say spiritual maturity, what I really mean is an intimate relationship with the Father that’s real (for an explanation of intimacy, read “Intimacy with God and Eternal Life”).  The older we get, the narrower the path.  The great thing about getting older is that the difficulties can be more numerous, the negatives more constant.

The reality is that life can become more of a struggle as we see our strength, our health, and our ability to provide for ourselves and take care of ourselves get less and less. We won’t fully realize our dependence on God as long as we’re independent.  We don’t tend to ask Him for help until we’re helpless.  We don’t usually learn to rely on God the way we should until our own resources are exhausted and our options have run out.  That, unfortunately is our nature.  But the Father knows that.  So, in His great love for us, He lets us get old.


Is Youth Wasted On The Young?

olderThere is a saying “Youth is wasted on the young”. That is to say that by the time you have made and corrected the mistakes you make in life, by then you’re too old to really benefit from the knowledge. A strange truth understood by anyone past their 50’s.

Just ask anyone in their sixties how they got to be so old and they will all have stories filled with how they did what you are about to do, in their lifetime. You look at your Granny or Granddaddy or you Momma and don’t see the child who has only grown older, taller and hopefully, more smarter. Without this experience, one can understand that this is a process of building on the child as foundation for the adult. There is no metamorphosis like a butterfly. You never lose sight of the child. Look deep and you will always find a child gazing back.

I would like to hear stories from people of all ages about their individual growing older process. Understand that from the moment you start to live, you start to die, (existentialism). It’s all about how you live, what you do between those two points.

So if you are say, sixteen years old and you want to share your experience of getting older, it’s valid so let’s hear it. If you remember some incident (positive or negative) that helped you in your growing up, PASS IT ON.

Remember that, when in life a kindness to you is shown
Remember that it was not meant for you alone
It was meant for you to enjoy, then to PASS IT ON.

This is an experience BLOG “ How I got to be so old”

I have a website “”> that I put together to share some of my pictures, music, thoughts, experiences and a book about how I got to be so old.